mathewswithonet

I've realized that it was my mistake. I never should have asked you to value something you had gotten for free for so long. I should have never given myself so freely, to you. You showed me that you aren't ready to give yourself back to me in return. You are only ready to take and to ask for more. It was my mistake.

You don't get it. If you treated anyone else that cared for you the way you treated me- they would have walked away. I want to right now. But my shoes are glued. I'm stuck. No matter- I like running barefoot anyways.

I asked you for the least you could do. And I would have settled for just that. You laughed and asked why instead of you moving one centimeter- I couldn't move ten miles to you. If I could have I would have given you those ten miles. I would probably have given you all the miles I have left. But now, I'm out of gas, stranded on the side of the highway, calling you for a ride home. And you ask, why I can't just walk.

It would be funny if it weren't so sad, that the first word I learned was also the first word I learned to forget. No. I used to say it all the time. "Do you want peas?" No. "Will you feed the dog?" No. "Can you PLEASE stop making so much noise?!?!" NO. But childhood obstinance gave way to the yeses of wanting desperately to be a grown up. I started saying yes to things I had no desire to do. I've only gotten better at yeses with time. "Can you help me with homework after school?" Sure "Do you want to dance?" Absolutely! "Is it ok if I ditch you to go to Chipotle?" Works for me. So by the time I reached you, No was no longer in my vo

Love is cycling slow so that she doesn't get left behind. Love is being the last person up the mountain so that you can hold her hand Through the rough spots. Love is telling her she looks beautiful on days when she needs to hear it. Love is never hesitating when she asks you to choose her. Love is knowing when not to ask. because it would be too much, and you know she hates saying no to you. Love is saying I'm sorry a lot and meaning it every time. Love is running after her when she starts to walk away. Love is asking her to come back and giving her a reason to stay.

I'm just about at the end of my rope with you. I won't wait around to be your second choice. I tried to make my love stretch enough for the both of us, but even Gumby could never have stretched that far. Each time I think I've finally almost done it, you ask me for another inch or foot or mile. That I no longer have. I'm a flexible girl, I'm too stretchy and forgiving for my own good with most people. I let them bend me so far out of the shape that was me that sometimes I don't remember how to snap back into myself. So now- I have to pull myself back and away from you. And begin the process of re-forming myself into me again. Beca

Do you know- that you've never once told me that I look beautiful? Do you know- that hearing you say those three words would make my day? Do you know that little things- like kind words and making time and remembering details- like birthdays and the colour of my eyes- matter? And I know that a thirty minute drive seems like a lot to ask- but I guarantee that it would make my day. I'm not sure if I've ever made your day. But I'm sure I've tried. With hand knitted hats and fresh cookies and poems. I've tried like hell to be the reason you smile. And now- I don't see you trying at all. Maybe thirty minutes is too much to ask for. I'd s

My mother never warned me about you. She warned me about the Bad boys And the Rebels And the ones with tattoos And especially, The ones who rode motorcycles. But she had nothing but praise For you. You were supposed to be One of the good ones. You weren’t supposed to Break my heart and leave me Gasping for air. And you have no idea That you are taking me for granted. And that every time I leave your apartment I feel like a sucker. Because I keep coming back To be your pillar And you wont even be my shoulder To lean on. I support all of your weight How can I not? It’s in my very nature. But the moment I need you to be there To j

I asked you to choose me And you laughed. Because the idea that you would Choose me over her Is funny. Funny me, making jokes. And I laughed too But on the inside I felt like I was crumbling into Little pieces. Because you have no problem Asking me to spend all of my time Coming to see you And you have no problem Asking me to put my life And my school And my family On hold. For you. But when I asked you to choose me You laughed. Funny me, making jokes.

I went to you today, And asked you to be the shoulder I was in desperate need of Am in desperate need of. Still. And you tried, for a minute. And then you got tired, or bored And you stopped listening. You didn’t want to hear about my problems anymore And so I stopped telling you Instead I asked what was up with you And then instead of getting the shoulder I was in desperate need of I became your wall To bounce all of your ideas off of Like ten million little bouncy rubber balls That you buy from a machine for a quarter. I put on my happy face And I became your pillar To support you And to help you out And to always be there waiting. P